Durango On-Chains

Lately a lot of rumors (that are all but confirmed) have been saying that the next gen Xbox will be an always online machine. The system will supposedly work for three minutes total without an internet connection before a troubleshooting screen comes on. Let’s lay out why this is the stupidest idea ever, shall we? 

First of all, a little about me, I’m a very paranoid person. I wouldn’t be, if I weren’t proven right about how terrible people are 90% of the time. At minimum, four times a week I think I should just buy a plot of land in the hills, build a cabin and become a full fledged mountain man.

I like the cut of this guy's jib.
I like the cut of this guy’s jib.

I never picked up a Kinect mainly because I wasn’t really comfortable with Microsoft having a camera hooked up to the internet in my home and let’s be honest moving around is dumb. So imagine my surprise to learn that Kinect also needs to be hooked up all the time. On it’s own, I could get over this, I mean it’s not like Microsoft’s founder is a creepy billionaire that’s using his time to team up with equally creepy billionaire Rupert Murdoch to try to get cameras into every classroom in America to monitor teachers and students facial expressions, emotional responses and brain wave patterns… oh… oh dear.

The first step to education reform is: Don't teach children what Orwellian means.
The first step to education reform is: Don’t teach children what Orwellian means.

Secondly, let’s face facts, always online doesn’t work. All they need to do is look at Diablo 3 and SimCity to see that what they’re setting up will lead to a server crash. But let’s just play devil’s advocate and say Microsoft has beat the odds and developed super servers that won’t crash (I’ve yet to see them develop a headset that lasts longer than six months). Many people across the world don’t have a steady internet connection. Even people that do aren’t immune from having some kind of financial problems. When it comes down to eating versus the internet, eat. While I don’t think that if you lose your job you should just sit around playing games all day, I do think at the end of a long day of job hunting you should be allowed to relax with a game, especially if you own it lock, stock, and barrel. And that doesn’t even consider the ISP itself.


Last August I helped a friend of mine move. We finished unpacking everything and then we all went out for lunch, then rushed back. The guy was coming to hook up cable and the internet! So we all sat on his couch playing video games waiting for a man that didn’t show up. They eventually got someone out there, four days later. And really this is the appeal of a lot of games, replay value. If I payed $1 for every hour I’ve played of Fallout 3, the game would cost me at least $100, instead of the $25 I paid for it used (aside from being paranoid, I’m remarkably cheap… and single, ladies).

I’m a 360 fanboy. I love the thing, but ultimately I just won’t be buying the next Xbox if this is the way it is. While we really know nothing concrete yet, Microsoft hasn’t denied any of this and that means really only one thing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go play Phantasy Star Online on my Dreamcast… oh wait.



  1. Well after killing 8 xbox 360’s playing MW,MW2 and drinking vodka, six died from lense motor failure due to the ill fated design causing over heating. So i started fixing them myself never been techy, just simply changing lense motors and reassembling to work again for a while. im not rich i paid 427.oo for the original Xbox360 at toys r us then purchased another controller and 2 games. One game being Nba2k6 shaq on the cover. Never once loaded correctly or finished a game without a serious glitch. We all went through the guitar hero phase then the band thing, arcade controllers. C.o.D series murders controllers like one every two months, with 14 to 18 hrs. daily game play. Then their is the Kinect that sits infront of my tv unplugged a symbol of 150.00 wasted dollars staring me in the face, everyday. Their are five controllers on my tv stand that dont work one way or another, they wouldnt make one decent controller. Now the owner of 2 xbox 360s which are xbox number nine and ten. they work great. i turn it on even if im not gonna play it like im punishing this xbox for the sins of other xboxes pass. If i calculate the totals over the years on xbox totals spent on monthly online passes, dlc points,standing in line with children for a war game every november, i could have built that street/strip car i dream of daily. Money well wasted says my son, he’s says i drive too slow to want to own a 500hp rocket. I think that this time im gonna buy the Ps4 because everyone of my friends have a ps3 now and i dont get to game online with them, changing all of that this fall, good bye xbox microsoft and Billy “Idol” Gates.

      1. Maybe a little, no really just ready for a system thats been de bugged before sales to the public, lets face it if you have ever called xbox live support you already know my pain. but to your article, i dont want ppl watching me drink cuss and blow trees through an unwanted eye spy in my living room,if thats the case they should pay my rent, because we would all become a reality tv show, called XBOX JIVE. lol. we are under construction this week but feel free to peep urban happenings and spread the word, and i will do the same!

      2. Yeah I think we can all agree on that. We don’t need some all-seeing eye, that is always connected to the internet watching our every move. Skynet anyone? I’m just hoping the xbox announcement is at least better than Sony’s PS4 presentation.

  2. Microsoft’s presentation should be better than Playstation’s. They tend to be showier, so it’ll be good. While I won’t be picking up this version of Microsoft’s money printer, I do hope for everyone else’s sakes that it won’t have a 60% failure rate like the first.

    I also hope that they have created these super servers and that the always online thing doesn’t blow up in their faces because that could be nifty. Maybe that also means that they plan on helping us with our internet bills depending on how we do in their games too right? I mean, how else would the convince everyone that it’s a good idea?

  3. If all of this comes out as true, I can’t see how Microsoft is going to make much of a profit out of this. There are already people up in arms about the “always online” possibility and it hasn’t been confirmed officially. A lot of us will have to turn elsewhere for our gaming fix.

    1. It’s definitely going to create an uproar. Consumers have fought online only practices for a long time. It seems to be a huge push for bigger corporations. For now, we just play the waiting game until Microsoft unveils their big announcement.

  4. I seriously don’t know how Microsoft could make such an idiotic business decision like this if they do actually go through with it. Part of the problem is that Microsoft doesn’t really care about its consumers all that much when it comes to their console. Charging $50 a year for them to daisy chain consoles into a network when pretty much every other console lets you game for free with a pay to play option seems like a rip off to me. You have to realize that Microsoft has so many irons in the fire that are making steel that if they needed to they could probably cut their loses with the Xbox. This was obviously a decision that wasn’t thought through on their part because if they were to go with it then that would mean having a server capable of handling MILLIONS of players at a time JUST to be able to play games that may or may not even be multiplayer and the question is, WHO is going to recoup the cost for this mega server??? The consumer. To be honest unless they encase the next Xbox in Gold and have a fleshlight controller I am not buying it. It’s too much of a headache for the money.

  5. If MS is braindead enough to do this they rightly deserve the massive amounts of fail that will be rubbed in their face and smooshed in their hair, crammed down their throat, and beaten in the abdomen with.
    At one point in time, I was actually pretty satisfied with my 360, then the exclusives started disappearing with more ads than any human should view in any given eyeful started replacing them. Netflix got buggy as fuck, I experienced my 3rd RROD (which I fixed myself ‘pats self on back’), and the cost of live just wasn’t worth it for what I was already doing on my PC.
    I want to play games dammit, not watch commercials or that jazz. And the way MS treats their indie games is simply horrid. Those indies really gave MS a good name at one point and made having a 360 really worth it.
    I’m probably going to build a phat siq gaming PC when the next round of consoles come out (really you find the savings in the software, so it seems worth it to me), but that PS4 is looking pretty sexy too. MS get your shit together!

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