miyamoto

In the span of 24 hours, Nintendo has released a plethora of news that’s both excited and confusing to the gaming public. As we posted earlier today, they’re already beginning to shift their focus to their core audience, but what else does the Big N have in store? Your body, as well as your wallet, is not ready.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? Nintendo is releasing a new 3DS console. Yes, a new one. It appears Nintendo learned absolutely nothing from the Wii U debacle and how everyone still thinks it’s just a Wii controller based on the name alone. Why not go through something a little similar, right?

newnintendo3ds

Dubbed the New Nintendo 3DS, it will feature a bigger screen, faster processing, better 3D support, changeable face-plates, a better battery life, SNES-colored face buttons, altered shoulder button placement, as well as a super tiny second analog stick called the C-stick. It’ll come in white and black, but wait! There’s more! Not only will the New Nintendo 3DS come in a standard model, but also in XL!

The new C-stick is ridiculously small, and placed just north-west of the face buttons. According to Kotaku, it’ll be used in Dragon Quest X: Online, Final Fantasy Explorers, and Monster Hunter 4G to control the camera, as well as activating Smash Attacks in Super Smash Bros for 3DS.

How is the stereoscopic 3D better? The New Nintendo 3DS uses its built-in camera and gyro sensor to track your face, adjusting how it displays 3D content accordingly. This basically ensures that you don’t need to frantically adjust your position to find the dreaded “sweet spot”, blurring the image in the process.

In addition, the New Nintendo 3DS will include an NFC reader/writer on its bottom screen, allowing the use of the recently announced Amiibo figurines. Amiibo will still be usable on current 3DS/2DS models, but not without the use of an outside peripheral.

amiibo

It’ll also include a built-in web browsing filter to prevent children from viewing inappropriate websites, but you can remove the filter by registering a credit or debit card and paying $0.29 cents, thus reverting it back to your 3D porn on the go machine.

Now here is where the good and bad news meet: The New Nintendo 3DS will have a more powerful CPU than the current 3DS/2DS models. This will allow users to download content faster and allow more graphically intensive games to be developed for the console. In short, the New Nintendo 3DS will have its own exclusive line of games that CAN NOT be played on your current 3DS/2DS, starting with the confirmation of the New Nintendo 3DS port of the Wii‘s Xenoblade Chronicles. This news is bound to excite and infuriate a lot of people.

If the transition from the Wii to Wii U wasn’t already confusing enough for consumers, why would Nintendo release a New Nintendo 3DS with an exclusive line of games and expect different results? If it’s more powerful, it’s no longer the same console. It’s a new console that is also backwards compatible.

shulk

The New Nintendo 3DS will be available in Japan this year on October 11th, but Nintendo assured us here in the west that we won’t be seeing it at all in 2014. According to Kotaku, the New Nintendo 3DS is being released in Japan at about $154 USD, with the XL model around $181.

With the confirmation of Xenoblade Chronicles for the New Nintendo 3DS, fans of the game will be excited for the new Super Smash Bros. announcement, as the game’s hero, Shulk, was officially announced as a new playable fighter. The official announcement trailer showcases Shulk’s Monado sword, his Queen’s English voice acting, and what I assume to be his Final Smash. His overall gameplay comes off as a little generic, but that could just be the fact that he’s another guy with a sword in Super Smash Bros. As a Xenoblade Chronicles fan though, I couldn’t be happier to see him enter the arena.

Moving along, we also recently posted about the Gamecube‘s 2002 Resident Evil remake being remastered for the PS4 and Xbox One in 2015, but according to Capcom, it’ll be skipping the Wii U altogether. It’s a surprising-yet-unsurprising bit of news, as the remake was exclusive to Nintendo consoles, but it’s become a common trend for third-party titles to skip over the Wii U altogether.

With September on the horizon, the holiday season is quickly approaching and Nintendo is ready to swing for the fences with new games, new 2DS and Wii U bundles, as well as the release of their Amiibo figurine line.

In a press release received earlier today, the first 12 Amiibo figurines are now available for pre-order, will release at some point this holiday season, and will run you $12.99 each. More figurines will be available at a later date, but the first 12 up for grabs include Mario, Peach, Link, Samus, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, Pikachu, Kirby, Fox, Marth, Villager and Wii Fit Trainer.

mario3dworld

If you don’t have a Wii U yet, two new bundles will be releasing in mid-September. The Super Mario 3D World Deluxe Bundle includes the Wii U console and physical copies of both Super Mario 3D World and Nintendoland for $299.99. Wal-mart will also be selling a similar exclusive bundle that includes physical copies of Mario Kart 8 and Nintendoland for the same price.

We’ll also see a new 2DS bundle this year, featuring the handheld console and a download code for Mario Kart 7 at $129.99. As we mentioned yesterday, you can pick up the 2DS console at GameStop until the end of September for just $99, so it’s not like this new bundle is saving you any money right now.

I think that about covers it, but knowing Nintendo this article will already be out of date by the time it’s published. What do you think about all the new announcements? We’re all pretty confused about the New Nintendo 3DS ourselves, so don’t worry, you’re not alone. I told you your body wasn’t ready.

Bio Card Brad

Bradley Keene is the Executive Editor here at What’s Your Tag?, generally handling reviews, public relations, and our social media communications. He’s an aspiring video game journalist, Baltimore native, and on again/off again WoW player that favors roguelikes, horror games, and point-and-click adventures. His favorite console is the Dreamcast, favorite game is the original Metroid, and he could watch The Goonies for the rest of his life. Contact him by e-mail at the address above, or follow his insanity on Twitter.

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Written by CheapBossAttack

Freelance games writer, cat person, and horror enthusiast. I'm mostly a sewer-dwelling console heathen with a passion for RPGs, point-and-click adventures, and survival horror. Follow me on Twitter @cheapbossattack.

3 comments

  1. If I weren’t already confused by Nintendo’s strategy, I would be completely baffled now…wait a minute I am baffled!

    So the new 3DS will be the touchscreen controller for the new console in China, then the bundle will go world-wide as the Wii Wii. There will also be a console bundle called the Pii Wii that will not be able to play any games with a mature rating. The Kinect will be purchased from Microsoft, renamed to the Kii Kii, and sold for the Wii Wii bundled with Luigi’s Firehouse. The game be a motion based fire fighting simulator but will feature no fire hoses because the idea of playing with a hose isn’t family friendly. Look for the Wii Wii to release with a USB transfer cable because it will not connect directly to the Internet.

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